Gentleness
Gentleness is Not a Bad Word
We live in a culture that values strength. We marvel at the brute strength of World’s Strongest Man Competitions. We admire the controlled strength displayed on American Ninja Warrior. We watch intently as athletes display their strength on the field or court. If you are on Instagram you have no doubt come across a movement started by girls who really like the gym called “Strong is the New Sexy.”
We want to be people of strength. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I could probably stand to beef up a bit at the gym.
More often than not, however, the strength we want so badly is expressed as “power-over.” Power-over strength means that to be stronger than someone else you must demonstrate that you can over-power them in some way. As you might guess, this often leads to violence. Our pursuit of strength often leads to violence, and always makes gentleness a bad word. Gentle has come to be synonymous with “weak.” But gentleness is not a bad word!
In 1 Thessalonians 2:1-8, the Apostle Paul is describing his ministry to the church in Thessalonica. In that description we hear signs of strength:
-“we told the Gospel in the face of strong opposition” (vs. 2)
-“we are not trying to please people, but God” (vs. 4)
-“we are not looking for praise from people…” (vs. 6)
It seems that Paul is taking on a “no holds barred” approach to ministry.
Then he surprises us. In verse 7 he says, “Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you.” We went from proclaiming the Gospel in the midst of opposition and not caring what people think to the picture of a mother tenderly caring for the child at her breast. Talk about emotional whiplash.
Have you ever heard the saying, “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care?” The core meaning of the statement is, it doesn’t matter how much authority you have, or what title you hold, or the strength you display; if you don’t care about the people you are speaking to or leading, they will never listen. It’s a great lesson in leadership.
The Apostle Paul is embodying a truth like that because he is not just sharing the content of the Gospel with the Thessalonians, he is sharing his life with them as well. He isn’t there to “fix” them. He is discipling and caring for this group of believers.
Paul’s ministry was strong and effective! Why? Because he came in there with a get-in-line-or-get-out attitude? No. He was a man of authority, but he always used his authority in love. He saw where people were at spiritually and came alongside of them, cared for them, imparted life to them, and nurtured them into maturity – just like a good mother does. In doing that, he was displaying true strength.
Our Call to Gentleness
In a world of violent strength, Christians have an opportunity to display the strength of gentleness and servanthood (“power-under”). Violent strength feels the need to overpower people to put their strength on display. Gentleness, on the other hand, is inner strength that is so strong, you are freed from having to display it “over” people.
Gentleness is not weakness, true gentleness is an entirely different kind of strength.
Like Jesus in front of Pilate. Or Jesus on the cross.
Like the way Paul cares for his churches.
Like the humility of John the Baptist, who was called to prepare the way for the Messiah and yet said, “He must become greater and I must become less.”
Like Mother Teresa who cared for others in such a way, the entire world came to understand her strength.
Saint Jerome said, “There is nothing so strong as gentleness and nothing so gentle as real strength.” He was right.
So just as Paul was in authority in Thessalonica, God has placed you in authority to nurture people with gentleness! Whether that be at work, in our friendships, or in our family.
This is particularly true for parents! Your children don’t need a boss who tells them what to do and all the things they are doing wrong (from someone who “knows better”). They need a gentle giant who loves them to direct them and help them learn to make good decisions on their own.
Consider this story about the wind and the sun.
The sun and the wind once had a dispute, which of the two was the most powerful.
The wind said, “Do you pretend to compare with me? Do not I tear up the tallest trees by the roots? Do not I level palaces and towers to the dust? Do not I raise the ocean into combustion, swell the billows of ships into the size of mountains, and send whole fleets, with all their crews, to a watery grave?”
“I grant,” replied the sun, “these are formidable powers; but they do not equal mine. I open the buds and the flowers, to make glad the heart of men. I cause the grass to grow. Every thing that you see through the whole world, that possesses life, owes its health and prosperity to me: were my life-giving influence withdrawn, they would all perish.
In the height of their argument, a traveler happened to pass along, with a large cloak wrapped about his shoulders. His path lay across a vast plain, where there was neither house nor tree that could shelter him from any inclement weather. The sun and the wind both agreed to settle their dispute with an experiment on the traveler, which of them could make him part with his cloak first.
The wind began with a terrible puff, that tore away the traveler’s cloak from one of his arms, and almost blew it away. The traveler, however, recovered his hold, and wrapped it around him once again. The heavens were now entirely darkened with clouds. The day was turned into night. The wind raved so, that, if the traveler had had a companion, they would not have been able to hear one another speak. He could scarcely keep his feet, or get forward one step; and he almost thought he must lie down upon the ground, to preserve himself from the violence of the storm. The wind called to his assistance the rain, the hail, and the thunder. The traveler, however, only hugged his cloak even closer.
It was now the sun’s turn to try. He burst out with his rays, and the clouds were scattered in a moment. Every thing was refreshed. The flowers smiled; animals returned to their pasture; and the drops of rain now glistened in the sunshine. The sun, however, was determined to do his utmost, so he made his beams hotter and hotter; till the traveler, who was at first exhilarated with his brightness, began to pant and sweat with the sultriness of the season. He loosed some of his buttons to find relief, and threw his cloak wide open. At last, however, he could bear it no longer; he threw his cloak to the ground and he sat on it to try to cool himself off. The sun was decisively the victor.
“Learn from this,” said the sun to the wind, “that soft and gentle means will often accomplish what force and fury cannot.”
Church, whatever you are trying to accomplish, may it be accomplished with the gentleness of the Spirit of God. It was through the gentleness of Christ who did not resist his captors, that our salvation was accomplished on the cross.
To learn more about gentleness, click on these resources from Emmaus Road Church, a church in Fort Collins.
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